I wrote the following piece on a whim a few weeks back. I thought there might be more to it, but I hasn’t really come together, so I decided to just go ahead and share it. And be nice- poetry isn’t really my thing- but this gets at something personal about transition for me that I don’t think I’ve ever been able to properly write about. Someday it might grow into something longer, or perhaps something spoken. But for now, it is what is, and I’m happy with it. Without further ado, “Three Little Pills”:
Three little pills.
That’s all it takes.
Three tiny green ovoids, not much larger than a grain of rice,
Spread across my day to keep things even.
Hell, they’re mostly sugar- just 2 milligrams in each is anything one might call interesting.
6 milligrams per day. Almost nothing compared to the 130 kilograms that make me up.
That’s 4.6×10^-7 percent of my body.
I’ll lose more than that in shed skin cells today.
It’s a lot of weight for so little mass.
Three little pills,
One in the AM and two a night.
And it’s enough change a body that once looked hard, bulky, masculine,
A body I grew to despise, that made me nauseous at the mere glance in mirror,
A body that recoiled from even the most well-intentioned of intimate touches,
A body that screamed out to everyone but me “This is a man!”
A wrong body.
To one with softness, curves- breasts and hips, undeniably feminine
A body that, even with its imperfections, I’m pleased to see reflected back at me each day,
A body that warms to soft kisses, and opens to loving embraces,
A body I’m proud to call a woman’s,
A body that’s right.
Okay, so they had a little help from two slightly bigger brown pills.
But that’s mostly to kickstart the process.
It’s the three little guys, scored down the center, carrying their tiny payload
That really do the work.
Correcting a terrible birth defect,
A body that doesn’t match its brain.
Social Security Removes Surgical Requirement for Gender Marker Change | Advocate.com.
This one came as a complete shock to me, and it’s incredibly encouraging. Today, the Social Security Administration announced it would no longer require documentation from a surgeon that Gender Confirmation Surgery had been performed in order to change the gender marker in an individual’s Social Security record. Now, all that is required is “medical certification of appropriate clinical treatment for gender transition in the form of an original signed statement from a licensed physician.” This change in policy, along with a similar recent change for US passport documents is a huge leap forward for the federal government in recognizing that GCS is not an appropriate way to mark the change from one gender to another. In many senses, this means that a letter from an appropriate physician is all that is required for the US government to legally recognize you as your new gender.
I’m absolutely overjoyed by this news. Not only because it will directly make my transition process easier, but because it represents an awareness of trans issues at a national level. So many thanks to everyone who works so hard lobbying for these changes and striving to improve the every day lives of the trans community.
With any luck, a simplified process for changing gender markers on state-issues driver’s licenses is not far behind.
It’s now been 2 months since I started on hormones. I’m still on the “intro” regimen of 2mg Estradiol and 200mg of Spironolactone. I’ve generally been very good at not missing doses…just the occasional forgotten morning dose of spiro when I’m running late. Overall, side effects have been minimal…some cramping and some acne and a little more swing in my moods.
Noticeable effects so far are mostly mental. While I’m a little more emotional, I’m also a lot more…peaceful? Less inner conflict, more fuzzy hearts. My libido is absolutely in the toilet. It’s just not even something I think about pretty much at all (a far cry from life a guy). But there’s been a definite uptick in my cravings for physical affection…cuddles, hugs, etc. I’ve also noticed that my “drive” to want an emotional partner is stronger. Less aloof, more vulnerable. My body hair growth has slowed a bit. And I’m definitely starting to feel the tell tale signs of “development”, mostly sensitivity and a lot of soreness. Not much in the way of growth yet, though. Appetite is DEFINITELY way down, which I assume is due to my lowered metabolism. There have also been some odd changes to taste…less tolerance for the taste of greasy foods.
I should have had another endo appointment, but work got in the way and I had reschedule, pushing it back out to the 30th of May. I also have an appt with my new (trans-friendly) PCP that day. i’m very much hoping she’ll be able to take over my hormone maintainence eventually, since a visit with her is much less likely to trigger a cranky rejection from my insurance company than my endocrinologist, since he’s technically an OBGYN. I’m just hoping she’s fat-friendly/fat-accepting too. I’m getting really tired of every doctor on earth telling me that everything in world is caused by being overweight.
In other words, so far so good!